When They Aren't Saving The World
by Fuchsia.Grasshopper
Summary: Follow the Avengers on their days off, with trials and tribulations of the stupid kind. Even the villain is dragged along sometimes. There will be disasters, movies, gossip, holidays, and of course, the ever growing conversation of "What's up with Fury's eye patch?" I think I speak for everyone when I say, Lord help us all!
1. Movie Night

**A fun fic in which I totally harass the Avenger's on their days off from crime fighting. Some other characters (Loki, Jane, Darcy, Selvig, Pepper etc) will also be featured every so often too! Enjoy.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, and that's for real, true?!**

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Thursday evening; it was early fall, and there was nothing on TV. Everyone was lounging and scrounging around the penthouse level. Tony didn't like to say they free loaded off him, but time and again of them eating his food, using his water, and sleeping in his house made him start to think that he was the Lord of the manner, bringing the bacon home, or getting food on the table; whatever bad cliché there was to describe someone such as a man in his position. He already knew what the latest problem was tonight, they were bored out of their wits, wholly and completely.

"I am bored, find me something of amusement." Thor said in his oily, Shakespearian jargon. Tony still thought of his cape as the curtains from his mother's home, and did not regret the comment about him being a tourist either. Tony especially detested Thor's visits, because he would stay for an indefinite amount of time, and he consumed the most food as well. To the Demi-God's credit, he actually was an ease on the water bill, for he only ever had one outfit to wash, and that was the cape.

"Yeah, there's nothing on TV Tony." Clint whined, and Natasha nodded vigorously with him in contention. SHIELD agent's whining, Fury would cry himself to sleep if he ever knew.

Tony felt his brown eyes narrow, "Don't you two work for SHIELD?" They both gave each other a hesitant look, and avoiding looking his way again. It was always the same; he threatened them with work, and they continued to recoil from the topic, just to have the chance to mooch off him some more.

At the particular moment, Rodger's was peeking over the sofa, his nose scrunched to one side, and a quirky grin plastered on his stupid face. Tony glared back, having received no assistance from the so called 'leader' of the Avengers. He was living proof that cryogenics was actually a possible science, but other than that, Tony still make cracks about him being an old man, "You'd better find them something to do Stark. Remember last time when they decided to treat the house as a workout room?"

Tony shuddered, yes, an actual shudder actually came off of Tony Stark. The training mishap in his home had had him seeing red to the point that he had passed out when he first came home. Everything had been smashed, and it wasn't just because of the Hulk. Priceless items that he didn't really hold dear had been broken (he more cared about the bill), but it had been bruising to find Pepper's antique plate from Italy destroyed into chips. She declared she wasn't upset, but her eyes were red later that night from excessive crying. It was something money, for once, could not replace and that was most frightening of all.

"Ah huh!" He cried, "I've got it, we'll watch a movie, that'll shut you all up for a few good hours." He went sprinting down the hall, and the clobber of footsteps followed him like a stampede. He starting searching though titles that he had downloaded into the system. Bruce sidled up beside him, leaning into his ear, "Pick something long." He advised before going to take a seat in one of the barcalounger chairs that was present in the theater room. There was enough for everyone, including two extra guests in case Pepper, Rhodey or Jane and her friends ever came for a visit. They were just more mouths to feed, in Tony's cynical opinion.

After searching through different films, he decided on "Lord of the Rings." Long, entertaining, and something Thor could relate too (Swords, magic and what not) "Ah really, I better not here any jokes about Legolas, for real." Clint said, his face turned to Tony who gazed back innocently.

"All right everyone, be quiet." Bruce said as the opening credits started to roll onto the projection screen. It took at least twenty minutes before they could actually sit down and start the film. First, Natasha had to use the bathroom, complaining she wouldn't last the whole three and a half hours (women!), so on went the lights. When she returned, Clint and Thor complained about being hungry, so Tony paused, to allow them to go fix a snack in the kitchen. Clint returned in a frantic run short minutes later, out of breath and panting two words, "Thor…Blender." This got Tony out of his seat, and he bolted out with Clint to see the extent of the damage that he been done. The poor cabinetry had taken majority of the blow, some slimy goo was dripping and frothing on the wood, Tony suspected it was banana. And there stood Thor, at the brunt of it all, with the same sticky mess in his hair. It fell into his eyes, and he rubbed his face with a sheepish look, "I wanted a protein smoothie." He said rather dejected about how his fine work of food ended up. Yeah, how about how that fine work of food messed up my kitchen, was what Tony wanted to say, but he held his tongue.

"Who told you about smoothies?" He finally said, and Thor pointed an impish finger at Barton, who was slowly backing away.

"Oh no you don't, clean up duty goes to you." He said to Clint at once, handing him a bucket and cloth, "Thor, go rinse off, you're not sitting in my chairs like that."

Once the mess was cleaned up by a reluctant Clint, whom continued to glare at Tony for the remainder of the evening, they returned to the theater room. Thor followed in after, in a plush robe and a soured look because he had never got that snack he was hoping for. Tony pressed play, and bothered Jarvis one last time with dimming the lights. He figured even his AI system was fit to be tied.

They got along for a good time, getting through more of the movie. Thor was quite offended by the Black Riders, calling them menacing demons. "That's the point Thor." Tony said, trying to hold in that eye roll that wanted to be let loose. Natasha was ogling Aragorn, pissing off Clint because he thought she should favor the bowman. It was when they got to the part in Rivendell, when Tony almost flipped his lid...again.

"Wait, pause the movie!" Steve said at once, bouncing in his seat with a surprised look.

"For the love of God, what now!" Tony argued, though ultimately halting the movie anyhow.

"That man." Steve said, leaning up in his seat, "He looks…familiar."

"Lord Elrond looks familiar to you?" Bruce said bemused.

"Yeah….He looks like…but it…no, it couldn't be….That's impossible." He sputtered.

"Are you through?" Tony said. Steve sank back in his seat eventually and nodded for him to continue, but his face stayed marred in a perplexed expression for the duration of the film. If Tony didn't know better, he'd swear Rodger's had been looking at his own mortal enemy, because he remained pissy for a whole week.

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**So to any non-Lord of the Rings fans, Lord Elrond is played by Hugo Weaving, who also played Red Skull. I always think about how hard it would be in a fanfic for characters to watch a movie without running into someone from the same universe, and I thought I'd tickle at that. This isn't a serious fanfic, just something I'll update for fun if the mood should strike me. Leave a review if you enjoyed what you read, and I am always open to suggestion about what else you readers might think the Avengers do on a day off.**


	2. Thou Shall Not Steal

**I gotta say, I am impressed with the feedback I have received, and I love the lot of the ideas you have all given me! Lots want a shopping trip, though I have already written one of those for another story called "Bullets & Bandages", I'm only the co-writer so it's not on my account. Definitely look for a black out, bowling, a grocery shopping trip and many more things in the future. As usual, keep those great ideas coming too, they are fun to ponder!**

**Thanks to , Demonic NiNjA Kitten(That black out is gonna happen yet!), kyuubecky, LookAliveSunshine03 (I love LOTR's too!), JobanaBallack (thanks again for having faith in my writing!), MikaCheshire (Thor in new jeans FTW!), rozisa(Yes to the bowling, I am seriously good with a sixteen pound ball!) and LOKI IS KING(Giggle!) for all reviewing the first chapter!  
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**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the sheer stupidity of what things are committed here.**

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It was always a strange outing when the Avengers went to a meal, though it had become quite a tradition since the Shawarma victory dinner and Tony insisted they go out at least once a month. Thor rather enjoyed the different foods of Midgard for there was much variety to be had amongst the different cultures. Tonight they dined on Italian, and Thor had about three different entrée's going at once while the other's watched him in fascination…or disgust, he was never sure.

"God, allow it to digest at least." Natasha attempted to conceal by speaking behind her fork, but Clint heard her words and grinned from them.

"How many meatballs do you think he can fit into his mouth?" Clint asked allowed.

Thor tried to answer, but his mouth was mashed shut by the mixture of sauce and pasta breaking down between his teeth, "I'd wager it against how many of these dinner plates Hulk could fit into his." Tony rebuked smartly. Bruce scowled while taking another sip of his water. One more wise crack about the Hulk, and he was likely to turn into the big guy at the table.

"This food is delicious!" Thor cried finally, while a ring of tomato sauce decorated his upper lip and chin, "You should try some Captain." He urged to the dejected Captain Roger's, who was sitting back in his chair with a malcontent expression. Since knowing the Italians to be fascists back in his day, he was still distrusting and was convinced someone was trying to do him in by poisoning his food.

"I'll pick something up later." He said quickly. When the waiter had come around to take everyone's order, he had given Steve a funny look, and it wasn't because he was an Avenger. They had come in civilian clothes, and most of the population was used to seeing their presence by now. No, the reason for the funny look was because Steve was acting like in instigator and refused to eat their food. The waiter wasn't even Italian.

"Next time, we're eating at a German restaurant." Tony chided while Steve looked horrified.

"Oh come on, you might as well build up the bill, Stark's paying, remember?!" Clint said while slapping Tony on the back. The billionaire grinned brutally. Oh, he was going to pay for them all right, but not in the way they assumed. He'd been working on a plan for weeks to get back at them for movie night, as well as all the other spending they did at his expense. So he had picked the best restaurant, watched them fill up on oregano, basil and all the other Italian seasoned dishes, waiting for the final touch to be put into action.

"I'm heading to the men's room, order dessert for me." He said while standing, pushing in his chair neatly while folding his napkin back on the table.

"What do you want?" Bruce asked, and Tony paused with a wicked smirk, "The most expensive thing they've got." He walked through the dimly lit dining hall, and sped up into a small jog when he got passed the hostess.

The meal continued on quite normally with the usual chit chat commencing. No one seemed to notice at first that it was taking Stark an abnormal amount of time to return. The restaurant was still packed from corner to corner, and it was difficult to make out the features of the people at the next table because of the dark atmosphere. The walls were crimson red with oak paneling, and every table had a small candle lit, while a chandelier hung in the center. Natasha was playing with her unused spoon when she noticed Tony's vacant seat, "Shouldn't he be back by now?"

"Want me to go check and see if he's OK?" Bruce suggested.

Natasha almost answered, but her mouth froze and her eyes widened as she saw a car pass by their window; a rather expensive car. The window of the automobile rolled down just enough for them to see Stark wave and wink, before he pealed out of the lot at top speed. No one spoke at first. A crumb off the corner of Thor's mouth fell to its peril on the floor, and Clint's fork clanged onto his plate when it let slip from his grasp.

"Did he just leave us?" Steve said in utter disbelief.

"How do we get back?" Clint asked, and Natasha swatted his hand. "Get back?! More like how are we going to leave here when we can't afford the bill?!" She hissed hysterically.

To their horror, the waiter arrived with the last platter of dessert, and the check that he keenly placed under Stark's plate of pricey Tiramisu, "Will that be all?" He asked snootily while eyeing the empty chair with scrutiny.

"Yes, thank you." Bruce said in the most convincing tone any of them could muster.

When the waiter was gone, it launched into full blown panic mode, "I should not have eaten so much." Thor said apologetically, though still eyeing Tony's cake with lustful hunger.

"Little late to take that back now tubby!" Clint snarled. "And don't even think about touching that cake."

"Excuse me, my weight is appropriate for a man of my stature, and you have also wounded my pride. To think I would stoop so low as to pilfer the cake that looks to be satisfying…and sweet and- "

"All right, all right, enough with the food talk." Natasha snapped, "Who wants to look at the bad news?"

All eyes shifted to the small slip of paper that was faced down. They all agreed that Bruce would be the best at handling such a stressful situation, and after a democratic vote, he carefully reached a tentative hand for the check. At first his face made no twitch, his eyes just surfaced on the number that was there. He huffed and puffed in and out, deciding what way would be best to go about breaking the horrendous news.

"Well…how bad is it?" Steve said with guile. "Is it gonna make you turn into the big guy?"

Bruce sniffed, "Oh, it's bad, even worse than I first suspected." Slowly he overturned the check, "It's over eight hundred dollars."

"Is that a heavy fee here?" Thor inquired, and Natasha gave him a look that made him silent again.

"Well, let's band our money together and see how much we've got." Bruce said, making light of the situation. "I've got about eighty dollars here." He said while taking out his wallet.

Clint snorted, "What, is that enough to pay for Stark's stupid Tiramisu. That jackass knew what he was doing when he made me order that."

"No one put a gun to your head Clint." Natasha argued. "I have one hundred-sixty."

"I didn't bring my wallet." Clint shrugged and everyone glared, "Oh what, I thought Stark was paying, and don't act like I'm the only one. How about you Cap?"

"I uh….I have sixteen dollars." He remarked shyly.

Clint couldn't contain his laughter, and nor could Thor, "What, is that your allowance from Fury for the month?!" Steve's cheeks lit pink.

"At least he has money." Natasha said while turning to Thor, who grew further into his chair while all the eyes suddenly shifted to him. "Asgardian's have no need for currency."

"Well that's just great. We only have two hundred and fifty-six dollars to give." Bruce declared.

"Wait, I've got a side account and the bank wasn't far from here. I'll just go there and pull the rest of the money from my savings." Natasha said with a glint in her eye. She stood from her chair, wrapping herself in her coat, "I'll be back quickly."

Everyone felt reignited again, but the fuel did not last long. After twenty minutes, it was clear she was not coming back, "So, anyone else think that that whole bank thing was just a complete pile of crap?" Clint said, looking glum as he rested his face on his fist.

"She's obviously not coming back. Maybe I should talk to the manager about opening up a tab." Bruce said, while eyeing the restaurant for said manager.

"He was up at the front when we came in." Steve answered while thumbing to the direction.

"All right, I'll go solve this." Bruce said earnestly as he stood.

When he left, Clint bolted up, "Wait a minute, do you know what we just did? I bet Bruce won't come back now."

"Oh please, Doctor Banner is not like them." Thor said breezily, while still eyeing the cake from his peripheral vision.

Just as surely as before, another twenty minutes passed and it was clear Bruce had given them the stiff. Clint growled and Steve pounded his fists down on the table, attracting the attention of customers and the staff, "He is like those others! And to think, we were going to give him the benefit of the doubt."

"Is the rest of your party going to be returning, or are you three handling the bill?" The waiter appeared so suddenly beside them, that Clint jumped in his seat.

"Oh, they'll be returning." Steve answered unconvincingly and the waiter raised a brow. "Well then, is there anything else I can get for you?"

"No, no, we're fine here thanks." Clint said while shooting Thor a look to keep quiet. If the Asgardian had it his way, he would have eaten the whole establishment out of food by now.

"I need to go to the bathroom!" Steve cried abruptly.

"Oh no you don't!" Barton shot his arm out to halt him, "You think we're falling for that, no way. I'm going with you."

"Fine, but you honestly think a war veteran such as myself, would up and run from his platoon?" Steve said while shaking his head dramatically. When the pair was out of ear shot from the table, he whispered to Barton, "So, are we leaving Thor here then?"

Clint snorted, "Oh yeah, that was the plan. If you hadn't got up to go to the bathroom, I would have. Besides, he'll be fine. With any luck, they'll know he doesn't have money because of who he is, and will let him leave out of respect. If not, than he can use his looks on the female staff members." Clint laughed at his own humor before they each spared one last uneasy look at the restaurant, and bolted out the front doors at top speed, not stopping until they caught a city bus back to the tower.

Thor was oblivious to what was around him, for he was too perplexed by the pungent smell of the cake that was tangling his senses. The top was frosted with a dark powder, and the border of the slice was a cookie shaped pattern of dough. He licked his lips, while holding his fork steady in his sweating palm. Just one bite couldn't hurt.

"Sir, it is clear that your party is not returning, and I demand you make payment at once." Thor looked up to a man in a black suit, and the food servant had returned with him.

"My apologies good sir, but I am afraid I have no means of payment of which you seek."

"Your party has done nothing but cause a ruckus, acting like children, and now you expect a free meal like a bum off the street?!" The man expressed with ridicule. He made the food servant snatch up the remaining cake at once, and Thor felt his eyes darken.

"How dare you address a prince of Asgard in that tone!" He stood, towering over both men while he puffed his chest out. The manager's skin paled, and he swallowed hard, "You may not bar me here. I truly am sorry for my comrade's behavior of not giving compensation for such grand food, but I will be leaving now, and I dare any man to stand in my way."

They made no challenge or protest, and he pushed passed the both of them as if they were saloon doors. The eyes of the entire restaurant were on him as he made his way passed the hostess's pedestal, and through the glass door exit. He was not far into the parking lot when he heard short footsteps running after him. One of the female workers came running up to him, with a small box in hand. She panted before him while urging him to take the box, "My manager says…you and your friends…are no longer...welcome." Came her response in bated breath.

Thor nodded, "I figured, just as well, we aren't very deserving of your food now. What is this?" He asked about the box.

"An apology about upsetting your pride, enjoy!" She smiled sweetly before heading back in the direction of the establishment.

Thor looked down to the box again, and pulled open the lid to be greeted with the pleasant sight and smell of Tiramisu. He began walking, while eating the dessert with his fingers, not caring about appearance now. Sometimes a prince did not care about how he appealed to the eye, just so long as he had his cake.

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**Tony's wicked scheme to make the other's pay was pretty spiteful, though they all got off OK! I figured the dine and dash would be something they would have to pull, and I was glad to make it the second chapter. I have been given so many good suggestions, and I think I'll work on one of those next. Some more characters should be joining soon too *couch* Fury *cough* Until next time, keep laughing!**


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